Surfing in Hualien. Hua where?

The rock was painted after I had added my own extra comments to some Neanderthal graffitti that said, 'Locals Only' on the rock wall facing the break. To which I added, 'learn to surf here, foreigners rip it to pieces'. It could only really be read from the water.

This, surprisingly, really upset them. The locals that is. Considering I surfed there alone 98% of the time and when 'locals' did surf there it was only when it was small and they weren't very good at surfing anyway. In fact, I can honestly state that if there was anyone at the time, who warranted the term 'local', as in man hours in the water there, when there was surf, it was me. Period. I owned that wave and had it down. It was Hualien's version of the Pipe in PE. It could have its moments, it was the consistent wave but it was generally crap. You really had to know it well to surf it well.

Which brings me to the point of this post, what is a local?

I lived and worked in the town for two and a half years and would have stayed longer had it not been for the sad fact that it is a tough place to make enough to get by and my school was run by a complete arsehole. The owner was a bit of a non event too. My daughter was born there so i have a passing love for the place.

The manager of my old school was your classic, obese woman with a self esteem problem. She is the one responsible for my untimely departure from there. She would take out her self esteem problems on other people. Charlene was a woman with a mission. Destroy any sense of self worth in any individual who had any. Doubtless she is still doing it and making money for her Laoban (boss). She was the most negative bitch I have ever met in my life, bar another fat, arrogant slob of a woman who is also in education management. That witch is an upcoming story that will peel your ears off. Frankly, you won't believe it but it will be ALL true. Just wait until I leave here.

It seems obese women in management have issues. Beware all teachers! Avoid schools run by fat, ugly women with low self esteem! Come to think of it, this is actually pretty sound advice in any workplace. I have heard legions of stories about the same genotype and their vindictive, petty ways. But I digress. This is another post entirely.

Localism. These ou's got really uptight about the added grafitti and reckoned it was my ex boss. What a pleasure. I was quite happy for him to take the heat. So, I proceeded to Graffitti up a derelict structure as the 'Hualien Boardrider's Clubhouse'. Sadly, the pic's never came out. It was a laugh.

They got even uptighter. I scheme they had watched 'Point Break' and reckoned this is how surfers behave. Get local and heavy. Utterly stupid behaviour. I suppose what I did was too. Luckily they never gave me any carrots at the place at all. Ever. In fact, they were always nice to me in the water. They did give a mate of mine some stick though. He was gaytraying though, and therefore, utterly deserved it. I sold him my 7'4'' mini mal against my better judgement and still dream of her.

The silly thing is, it wasn't as if the spot was worth getting heavy about. It wasn't exactly Supers or Ulu' or any of a hundred good waves. It was Hualien's version of Pipe in PE. Consistent but usually crap. Situated right in front of the garbage dump. We named it, in a fit of creativity....'The garbage dump'.

Apt name, waves would look like absolute smokers and then vlam out on you or fade horribly just as you got started. But if you knew this beforehand and worked around it...waiting for the bowl which sometimes did and often didn't...

So, how does it all operate? When do you qualify? The 'heavies' there moved into town AFTER I had arrived but they were Taiwanese. Or maybe they lived there before but started surfing, I don't remember. A couple of them were big lads. Were they locals and not me? I lived in Jbay for a year and a half and surfed it when there was only Ungerer's supermarket in town and camped in the dunes. Does that qualify me? I have land at Seals. Does that qualify me? I'm from PE does that make me a Pipe local?

When you analyse the whole thing you pretty soon realise that localism is a complete load of bollocks and the 'enforcers' are just petty wankers with a close minded, bigoted attitude. I can understand the Jbay crew getting pippy, but I don't see them getting heavy with the very poeple who are making the situation happen (hello Billabong and the surfwear industry).

Nobody owns the waves. Despite what big business wants. A lot of surfers I know HATE what Billabong has done to the town. Maybe it was inevitable. Another big business would have done it. God knows, Billabong have done enough to stop anybody else getting on 'their' turf. It still guts me that they got away with taking away the best right hander at the best time of year from US, for the sake of a few 'pro's' who get to surf good waves all the time anyway. Absolutely f*cked up thing imho.

Personally, I would rather surf any other wave than Supers these days due to the clown show going on there. It used to be intense and stoked. These days it is intense, crowded and a definite aggro vibe in da water. Sad.

May the best surfer get the most. Most good surfers I know get the most waves anyway because they are fitter and more tuned in. The gentlemen amongst them, and there are many, happily give waves away to stoked surf rats.

At Seal Point, MY local break there is a definite pecking order and the 'locals' just get more waves from local knowledge and a cunning 'rack and stack' technique that all just do (unless it has changed) to unwitting wannabe Seal Point inside paddlers. It is a wonderful thing to watch the numbnut stroke into the ledging peak just two metres too deep and knowing he is going to inspect Full Stop as your buddy strokes in a few metres down the line. All good. Now that is what I call localism. give respect, get it.

My favourite trick at Seals is to paddle right over and drag the ou's who HAVE to sit on your inside to a point of near silliness then fang it back over to where the wave will break. Then do the same thing after he starts to suss it out and paddle back to where the inside wave on the outside breaks. I've had ou's get real shitty with me for doing this to them when all they have been doing is being arseholes paddling on my inside! That I never do.

Unless they're not local.