It has always been an area of debate amongst surfers as to which forms of the sport are better than others. Single fins vs thrusters. Longboards vs shortboards. Swallow tail vs square or rounded pin. Beach break vs point or reef. The list can go on and on. Ther are some areas though where we all agree.
Jet skis suck. Unless used as tow-in or wakeboarding tools, in which case they are fine.
Paddle skis. Awful things. Interestingly, those who are left seem to be nice enough guys. They don't take all the waves and generally enjoy the water time (Hi Dave). It is obviously a Darwinian thing. The gene pool of paddle skiers was full of utter boneheads with no idea. They probably killed themselves in manners worthy of Darwin awards.
http://www.darwinawards.com if you haven't heard.
Knee boarders. Cripple sticks. Most of them rip, all three I have met in my life, and do it because, as they rightly point out, they get waaay more barrel time. Not enough of this species to be too concerned about and they are all watermen.
The primary Darwinian thing is booger boarders. Those people who get on a slab of high density foam, with a pair of swim fins and proceed to enter the line up.
Anybody can do this. Even if you don't swim. The population of these people is usually pimply faced adolescent boys whose mums won't let them ride a real board because it is too dangerous.
They will vigorously deny this and tune, agressively, they have just as much right to be in the water (they don't) and get all sulky when dropped in on, ridden over, verbally abused, snotklapped, treated like doormats etc. Also females. We all like this group as long as they're hot and don't take too many waves. Which most of them are not and don't so they're OK. It is the adolescent whiney male that I love to bait.
The problem with this subgroup is that they can get in the water and surf with virtually bugger all payback time. No paying of the dues. Look, I have tried it. I have. Waves seem a lot bigger and minibarrels are easy to get, but, lets face it. It is lying down. No matter which way you cut it, it is not really the ART, more the fART. If I had to choose a booger board it would be only on days when it is hollow and so small I couldn't fit inside.
Another thing about the subgroup of adolescent male gaytrayers is how sketchy they get when diss'ed. It is hilarious. They get all uptight because, deep down, they know. They can't surf. The only gaytrayer I know who didn't have issues was a stand up surfer as well. He was however, seriously insane and ended up marrying a Taiwanese chick. Nuff said there.
I love the names:
shark biscuit
gay tray
frog on toast
booger
eskylid rider
quad (as in quadraplegic)
speed bump
cripples
doormats
shark bait
Now, how many nicknames do they have for us? NONE! Proof that they are lower on the evolutionary scale. They remind me of insects, breed quickly but a short life span.
Most die off after a few encounters with people like me who utterly disregard them when in the water. This is, of course, the necessary path that all true surfers follow. It is our duty. Give the frogs on toast heaps of ridicule, scorn and contempt. It is utterly deserved. The lighties tend to see the light after a few smackdowns and either get a real board or start playing golf.
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